Monday, February 27, 2012

To Tayler.

Truth be told, in the beginning you were no more than a way to keep my mind off the hurt that I had grown so accustomed to feeling. He's cute, I said. It's harmless, I said. Give it a try, I said.

And so I did. I gave you a try. And I've gotten way more involved than I ever expected to. What was once something I wanted to keep purely physical has turned into a full blown commitment with its own share of heartache and tears. I've come to care about you very much, so much, too much. I'm relying on you to help me get over my grievances, and I'm so upset because it's just not working.

I want to say that by going the extra mile, by doing more for you than any other person has ever done for you in your life, I want to say that I'll be the one that lingers in the corner of your mind. I want to impress upon you the thoughtfulness and tenderness that I so want you to have, things you don't necessarily lack but need a whole lot more of.

I want you so much to make me happy. I hate being so miserable and disappointed and crushed all the time. I really hope you'll be able to do that for me.

So please, I'm begging you, don't let me down.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

To Shinnie.

I never thought I would miss you this much. I'm over the hurt, past the bitterness, beyond the angst, but seeing you makes my heart so heavy. Your voice, your laughter, your awkward smile—I want them back in my life. I love seeing you so happy, but it saddens me to know that I can't be a part of that happiness.

I'm in a good place right now, with someone I care about deeply, someone who makes me smile in ways you never did. But at the same time, there's so much he's lacking that I had found and treasured in you. The maturity, the subtlety, the high-level vocabulary, the sheer amount of thought you put into everything. It astounded me. You absolutely blew me away, Brandon. I've never been so dazzled by a person until I met you. Too bad you didn't feel the same way about me.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

You were drunk when you told me "I love you."

I'm almost certain that you'll never say it sober.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Reduced to seeing you.

For only seconds at a time. In wistful glances over my shoulder. With a tired, heavy heart.