Monday, May 30, 2011

It's sad to think.

That you could still affect me so. That you could still tug at my heartstrings and get me to do whatever you like. That you could make me wish for terrible, awful things made pretty by the curve of your mouth, by the slope of your neck, by the shadows that your eyelashes cast on your cheekbones.

You make me want things I shouldn't, but I want them so badly it's shameful. I thought that with time it would get better, but instead it's gotten worse.

And now that you're sixteen, it's even more maddening.

Oh, the things you do to me.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Composure.

Sometimes, I feel like it would be easier if I just gave in. If I just let the alcohol and the hormones do their work. If I just didn't care.

Sometimes.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Seoul.

I'm ready to be lost in a city where no one knows my name. Where bright lights flicker and beautiful people stroll. Where I can be different just by being me, where no one will understand the things I do or the things I say. Where I will be okay with not being understood.

I'm ready for the incoherent nights, for the pounding music and the smudge of bodies against bodies. For the hazy memories that will need piecing back together, for the gaps of time marked only by the pour of sweet drinks.

I'm ready for the smell of the city, for the crowds of people, for the feeling of being free to do whatever I want. For the distance it will bring me, the some thousand miles from home.

I'm ready to be in a country that's been calling my name for years now, to finally experience its splendor, to see if it's a place that I can spend the rest of my life in.

I'm so ready for you, Korea. I can taste you on my tongue, see you when I close my eyes. You're so close, yet so far away. I've never wanted anything this badly in my entire life.

Only one more month, and already I'm tired of waiting.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Sometimes, I swear.

Beautiful people are going to be the death of me.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

For once in my life.

It'd be nice if it was mutual.