Saturday, December 26, 2009

I seem to have this tendency.

Of meeting broken people.

And I don't know what it is, but it draws me in. Angst, I think, is beautiful. There's something refined and elegant about brooding silently in a corner. Yet it's a formidable beauty, like a bomb still ticking. Getting close to a person like this is inherently dangerous, and it always seems to be my undoing. It's like this switch that automatically flips on, and all at once I can't resist trying to find out every last piece of information about the person as I can. I know it's prying and should be none of my business, but I can't help it. When I see damage, I want to fix it. Damaged souls are no different.

The first one was him. He was, essentially, a walking ice statue. And even at my young age I knew that there was something terribly wrong with that boy. There was no way that a person could not smile or laugh, and I had this urge to be the first one to make him do so. For years I was unsuccessful, and I thought that perhaps I only made him hate me even more. Then, he surprised me. At that point, it was basically the same thing. But every once in a while, he would have these moments. These unbelievable, tender, passionate moments. And I thought, yes, I won. I broke through his walls of distance. I am proof that it can be done.

But in the end, he left me. And nothing ever changed.

The other one was different. There was no initial sense of wreckage, and I thought this was a good thing. But as I got to know him more, I realized that he too was sheltering secrets. I think he was the first person to trigger my little brother syndrome, because I never developed romantic feelings towards him. He was like this lost kid that needed my help, and I just wanted to take him under my wing and protect him from everything. And in that first year, we became so close. I was hoping that I would become the one he went to for everything—girl advice, school help, even things as trivial as picking out clothes in the morning.

But in the end, he turned on me. And nothing ever changed.

Now, there's you. You really led me on, you know. I was so happy, because I finally thought that I had found a normal one. But, as always, my curiosity gets the better of me and I start looking for more. And, of course, I find things. I realized that there's more to you than your straight-forward, cynical, strangely enthusiastic exterior. I know you're hiding more than problems, more than secrets, and it makes me want to figure out every single one of them. But that always gets me in trouble, and it's driving me crazy because I don't want to end up in the same situation all over again. It's absolutely maddening. And I want to blame you for all of it.

But, as usual, I can't.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Let's light the world on fire.

We'll pour gasoline in the ocean and watch as the fish turn up their heads to see us pass by. We'll play with matches and throw them away, unused and discarded. We'll spill champagne on our parent's rugs and stumble, tipsily, into crevices unnoticed. We'll dance under dusty chandeliers and trip over our own feet. We'll fall in and out of love and hate and vertigo. You'll kiss my neck and I'll stroke your hair and we'll share each other like a burning bright secret. We'll play our games and throw each other away like matches, unused and discarded. We'll be a happy ending turned on its head.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Instant message oddities.

And things of the same sort.

[21:31] blackLABELaustin: u can choose some of my clothes for tomorrow :-D
[21:31] blackLABELaustin: so choose
[21:31] blackLABELaustin: blu skinnies
[21:31] blackLABELaustin: blak
[21:31] blackLABELaustin: skinnies
[21:31] blackLABELaustin: or blu straits?

[00:14] r3i06: yeah, i just got the impression that you've hugged many different types of trees

[22:02] JuhsteeenXD: aightt, GOODNIGHT MOMMY :D

[23:20] xxjam3sle3xx: <3

Yay.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A depressing truth.

I think I'm going to graduate without ever being asked to a dance.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Spanish tutoring.

Apparently, in addition to Andrew, I'm also tutoring a junior in Spanish 3. His name is Daniel Bak and he called me on my cellphone to ask for help.

Mr. Ramirez pulled me aside today and had a talk with me about how Daniel is having trouble grasping basic concepts and was hoping that I could bring them up to par. I felt really unsettled that he was speaking to me so seriously, but at the same time it was kind of humbling because he put so much faith in me. I also spoke to Mrs. Matic, Andrew's teacher, today during lunch about his performance in the class and supposedly he's not the only one struggling. She gave me a basic time-line of the remainder of the semester and told me where he stood in her class. Again, I was a little surprised at her straight-forwardness, because it seems that he does fine on homework (most likely because I help him) but not at all on tests and quizzes. This was really alarming, but now I'm more determined than ever. I'm seriously making it one of my personal goals to raise Andrew's grade in Spanish. He is going to get a B in that class, damn it. And I will not let him slip during second semester. I will not, I tell you! Good grief.

The things I do for these younger kids, honestly. Sheesh.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Have I ever mentioned.

That I absolutely love people?

Friday, December 11, 2009

Petting spree.

I'm done with petting junior guys on the head. I had this list of people whose hair I absolutely needed to pet because it looked nice and soft and such. And I'm glad to say that everyone has been crossed off!

The aforementioned listed people were John Yang, Jason Khoo, Chan Park, Edward Hong, and Jesse Kim.

And let me tell you. Edward and Jesse have extremely lovely hair.

That is all. Good day.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Scarves, shivers, and Starbucks.

Yesterday, Justin took my scarf because it supposedly matched his cardigan. He finally gave it back after I suffered all morning without proper neck protection. Ah, well. At least he knows how to wear it. Stylish child.

Edit.
[22:02] sardothienn: did any family member question your sudden scarf-age yesterday?
[22:02] juhsteeenxd: yea[22:02] juhsteeenxd: :D[22:02] sardothienn: and what did you say?[22:02] juhsteeenxd: i said an important person gave it to me XD[22:02] juhsteeenxd: and then my mom was all.[22:02] juhsteeenxd: who is it? it was a girl huh? d:
End edit.

It has been a bit of an ice-box these past few days. Because my lovely Andrew is skinny and lacks sufficient insulation, I decided that I would not let him freeze on campus. So I whisked him off to a Starbucks near school for our weekly tutoring. Afterwards I drove him home. He was very pleased with me. And a pleased Andy equals a pleased me.

Peace.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Hyperactivity and psuedo-philosophical musings.

I really want to pick up drawing again. It makes a little sad that I stopped, but I just got discouraged by seeing all my friends improve.

Oh well. At least I have writing! Except that I haven't exactly been doing much of that, either.

Oh well. At least I have a kiddopie!

... Now there's an exciting thought.

Happy, happy day.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

It's been a while.

And you haven't changed at all.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Cheesecake, misconduct, and eyeliner.

Today was my eighteenth birthday. I'm pleased to say that I was very happy with the way things turned out.

Around one, I left to pick up Heasu at her house and had quite a time trying to figure out where she lived. We went back home and hung out for a while. She gave me this ridiculously cute birthday card that was rolled up into a scroll and stuffed into a construction paper box. Her present was twenty dollars and a jar of Nutella, which I think is absolutely hilarious. I love that lady.

Around two thirty, we changed into our dresses and left at three to go pick up Joanne, Justin, and Jenny in Cypress. Justin was not in semi-formal wear. I was worried because all of us girls were in dresses, but he made it work, somehow.

Jessica came over around four thirty, at which point I called Lan. As I predicted, she would be fashionably late and would instead arrive at the restaurant, so off we went.

The dinner itself was a bit of a riot. Around the table, the seating arrangement was Heasu, me, Justin, and Lan on one side, then Joanne across from Heasu, Jenny, and Jessica on the end side. I think I was smart to put Justin and Lan together. They had a mini bonding event.

After dinner, we walked around Downtown Disney for a while until Joanne and I dragged everyone else to Sephora. She bought me this gorgeous highlighter compact while Lan pushed Justin around, teaching him the basics of successful Sephora-shopping. ("Justin, what's always a sure-go?" "Expensive brands!" "And what are the two most expensive brands?" "Chanel and Dior!") I put eyeliner on Jenny, and it turned out to be really cute.

My cat became quite a hit when we got back. Justin kept picking her up and holding her, all the while attempting to maintain that he didn't like cats. I took a picture of him kissing her on the head. It was adorable.

Then it got pretty chaotic. Heasu ran out of my room with black eyeliner in her hand, and then all of a sudden, Joanne and Heasu were holding Justin down on the couch while Lan put it on him. And the sad part was that after she was done, he actually looked semi-decent. Lan and Joanne were cooing all over him, telling him that he was pretty and that he needed to come to school like that. All of this I got on video. Honestly, I think he enjoyed the attention. When he has his own son, he's going to tell him, "When I was your age, I was already being invited to senior girl's birthday parties! What are you doing still hanging around with eighth grade girls?" Oh, Justin. You star, you.

Then Jessica and Justin went home, and slowly the number dwindled down. Lan and I uploaded my pictures on Facebook and had fun tagging and writing descriptions. I politely declined to upload any pictures or video of Justin in his eyeliner, so please don't ask. I'm trying to preserve what little dignity he has left. See, I can be a good person.

Essentially, it was a hectic but gratifying day.

I just can't pet Andrew's hair anymore. Oh well.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

At times like these.

I'm grateful that my hair is long again.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Then reality hits.

And I realize that I am dreading Monday.

Eighteen is such a foreign, unfamiliar number. Everyone's treating it like it's the best thing in the world, but there is absolutely nothing to celebrate. You vote, you smoke, you can be tried as an adult. Whoop-dee-doo. I'm excited.

I'm trying to hang on to my childhood before it slips away. All I wanted tomorrow was a balloon. A freaking balloon. Doesn't need to be five, doesn't need to be twenty, doesn't need to be those pretty, shiny Mylar balloons. Just one stupid helium balloon.

Balloons are such a classic symbol of our childhood, and I'm just trying to cherish every last bit of mine before it's lost to me completely.

Yet no one will grant me this one wish. It's just a freaking balloon.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to sound cliche, but I'm really not looking forward to my birthday.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Last week of being seventeen.

I have to admit, I'm sad to see my childhood go.

Eighteen used to seem so far away, and now that it's here it feels unreal. There are a whole lot of things that come with turning eighteen, which I don't know if I'm ready for, but I guess I have no other choice.

In a week I'll be an adult, free to vote and free to drive others as I like. I feel so much younger than most of my friends, yet here I am, among the oldest.

Life is odd in this respect. A humorless paradox. Oh well.

Onwards, I suppose.

Monday, November 9, 2009

You make me feel.

Things that I never thought I'd feel again. Pure, delicious, sinful things. And from you, of all people.

Yet, somehow, it's still wrong. So horribly, horribly wrong.

But that doesn't stop me.

It sure doesn't stop you.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Confetti and things.

My parents keep bugging me about what I want to do for my birthday.

And I've been thinking that I've always wanted a surprise party.

Except you can't really ask for that, can you?

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Wanting.

If there was one thing that I thought I had control over in my college applications, it was my personal statement.

I had this great essay written out, all about me tutoring Andrew and how wonderful it was and such. And I felt like I finally had a chance of getting myself out there.

Until my mother told me otherwise. Apparently, she and my dad had hired this college expert who wanted me to write about something generic like being an only child. This expert lady thinks that my essay is "too unique" for anyone to relate to.

I think that's absolutely ridiculous. In the end, I agreed to talk to this lady, but I don't want to have to change my essay at all. I don't want to write about me going to the Philippines to discover my roots and have some sort of self-discovery. I don't want to write about how being the only child affected me in the long run. I want to write about Andrew.

But the thing is that it's not just about Andrew. I don't want to write about Andrew, I want to write about Andrew and Justin and Nicky and Austin and all of the other lovely kids that mean so much to me. I want to write about them so much, I feel that if I don't, I just might explode. There are all these emotions inside me that I need to make public. I feel like I have to let the world know, because I'm so, so happy right now.

But how? How can I write that I love going to school because I look forward to Justin's quirky charm or Nicky being fabulous or Andrew and his endearing naivete?

If I can't write about that, then what?

What else is there?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

A flawed way of thinking.

Sometimes, I hear my mother complaining to my dad about how I am. Most often, it's just her fretting over how forgetful I can be, how I don't do well in school, or how I never clean my room.

Last night, I heard her say something along the lines of "You know, Art, I'm really concerned about her. I think something's wrong with the way she thinks. Like a mental block or something."

And it breaks me to hear her say that about me. Two years ago, she wanted me to see a psychiatrist, and that really hurt. It's a terrible thing to know that your own mother thinks your mechanics are all done wrong.

And the tragedy, I guess, is that I'm used to it. This is not new to me. This is something that I've had to live with for the last five years.

I really hate that I have trouble opening up to other people, but it's all that people know. Cheerful, sarcastic, ever-grinning Lauren, slightly ditsy but ready for a good time. I look sad for two seconds, I say something bluntly, and suddenly people start freaking out like it's the most unreal thing in the world. So I'm forced to convert back. There's nothing I can do.

Lan, would you still tell me your secrets if you knew how I felt about you and your countless boyfriends? How I think you're unknowingly setting yourself up for heartbreak every time, easy to lure in, easy to have, easy to let go of? Or would you feel offended and proceed to go to Kaitlyn and resolve to never tell me anything anymore?

Annie, would you still appreciate my phone calls if you knew that you were the fifth person I called after no one else picked up? Or would you stop answering your cell phone every time you see my name on the screen?

Alison, would you still value my writing if you knew that a good 60% of my pieces from freshman year took words and inspiration from somewhere else? Or would you frown in disdain and question every new work I come out with and wonder where I could have possibly plagiarized it from?

Justin, would you still remember who I am twenty years from now, when you're all grown up and have a family of your own? Or are you going to forget me come graduation and cease being my kiddopie and abandon our friendship in favor of your fangirls and possibly more popular high school friends?

John, would you still think I'm a fragile, wounded creature with a huge chip on my shoulder, succumbed to misery and in need of rescuing and money and gifts? Or would you think I'm an uptight shrew and grow tired of my games and my vocabulary and drop me for some other wanton girl who doesn't know how to tell you no?






Seth, did you, do you, will you ever love me?

Or was I just your ragdoll all along?

Thursday, October 22, 2009

There's a hole in the world.

I haven't felt this frustrated in a long time.

Makes me wonder what could have been different if you still cared for me.

But you don't, do you?

Monday, October 12, 2009

Hello, Andy.

Just in case you're reading this.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

You said that I'm unhappy.

And at any other point in time, you would have been ridiculously, inherently wrong.

But right now, I'm sick. I'm miserable. I'm wide awake.

Not the best combination in the world.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Love you, kiddopie.

[20:15] Juhsteeen xD: yes i love talking to you
[20:15] Juhsteeen xD: very rare to find intelligent conversation that satisfies me.
[20:15] Juhsteeen xD: (:

I have better conversations with Justin than I do with people four years older than him.

Clever, clever, boy.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

I miss.

The sound of your breathing.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Language frenzy.

My mom is teaching me words and phrases in Tagalog, which is exciting. I went around practicing it all day—mostly with the underclassmen. I must have said "Ang payat mo!" to at least five different people. I really would love to be fluent in the language, but it's hard because I haven't even mastered Spanish yet.

Speaking of which, I tutored Andrew Kim after school today. I was afraid that I wasn't going to be helpful at all, because I didn't want to waste his time. He says I am though, which, sadly, I find somewhat believable. Andy's an absolute sweetheart, but a little clueless when it comes to Spanish (how do you not know what ir means?). I suppose this is why he asked me to tutor him. Ah, well. He's a cutie pie.

Saint Lauren and her heart of gold.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

You're a dream child.

An adolescent wonder. All long legs and high cheekbones and candy-sweet smiles. And you're lovely.

You're oh, so lovely.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Ice cream expeditions.

I went to Frostbites with Annie and Chan Park. I know it sounds odd, since Chan is Annie's lovely, junior friend. But he knew where it was, despite having never eaten at the place.

And let me tell you, their Italian ices are serious business.

Apart from that, my day was rather uneventful.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Young boy meets pretty girl.

Today was very hectic. I woke up at some ungodly hour of the morning to finish my economics and English homework. That was a treat. Then I missed third and sixth period today to give Computer Club presentations to ninth and seventh graders. And then during Club Rush, I ran around shoving cookies into people’s mouths and Computer Club flyers in their hands. Very effective.

After school, Matthew, Theresa and I dawdled for a while around campus while making fun of Mattie’s uncanny femininity. We eventually sat down near the sophomore lockers, where Grindlay meets Orange. Then all of a sudden, I see a certain kiddopie flailing his arms at me from across the street at the Cypress Library. I heard him shouting something about a ride, so I assumed he wanted me to drive him home and I just waved him over. When he had finally crossed the street, I saw that he had a girl in tow. Her name was Semi, and it turned out that he wanted me to drive them to the liquor store. I was very reluctant, because I was quite enjoying my conversation with the sophomores, but he kept whining and dancing up and down until finally I said yes out of exasperation.

On the way to my car, I heard Justin rattling on to Semi about how I would drive them so they didn’t have to walk. She seemed pretty shy, and kept talking to him in Korean. I was disappointed to hear that she wasn’t his girlfriend. Why on earth not, Justin? She’s cute as a button! Ask her out, for crying out loud. A young boy like you needs a pretty girl.

We had a bit of a detour in the parking lot, because Paul Koh started bothering Justin before we could reach my car. Justin responded by bragging about how I was driving him to the liquor store, and Paul came sauntering up to me and said something like, “Hello, new friend. Mind if I tag along?” He even stole Justin’s shotgun seat. I was very pleased with him. I had been waiting for a chance to introduce myself to Paul for weeks now, ever since I started talking to his friend Andrew. Mission accomplished. Cue applause.

Justin is going to make the cutest boyfriend. You could tell he was trying to impress her by pretending to pick something out from the alcohol section. Although to be honest, she looked quite bored throughout the whole ordeal. In the end, she ended up buying him ice cream. I should give them my blessing.

Once I got home, that annoying kid who kept bugging me to be his tutor instant messaged me again, and I finally got the information I wanted. Turns out that the brat doesn’t even go to Oxford. He’s a sophomore at Cypress who claimed to have heard of me through Andrew, which turned out to be a lie when I actually called up Andy to confirm. The kid wanted me to tutor him for five hours a day, in Pre-Calculus, no less. What a selfish and demanding child. Needless to say, I turned him down.

I am exhausted, and utterly screwed for my Calculus test. I guess I should go study, huh?

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Awkward Conversations

Today after school I didn't really want to go home. So I contented myself by watching Justin and his crew of eighth graders throw coins at the lockers.

Turning to their friend Gloria, I say, "You know, I really don't understand the boys in your grade."

She rolls her eyes and says, "Yeah, I know. But some of them are really hot, so it's okay."

This intrigues me. I probe for names. Gloria grins.

"Oh, you know. Guys like Sean Lee."

Sean's older brother Nathan is in my grade. I give him a skeptical glance. "Him?" I ask doubtfully.

"Yeah," she says. "And Daniel Lee. He's super cute."

This I have no qualms over. I have a feeling that Daniel's going to be insanely attractive when he's older, granted he gets over his adorable shortness.

"And Justin. I think Justin's hot."

Said honey bunny is about four feet away, yet she makes no effort in lowering her voice. Luckily, Justin's too busy being his fabulous self to notice.

"Way to be subtle, Gloria."

She shrugs. "I liked him a lot last year. I still like him."

At that point, I really didn't know what to say. As much as I fawn over the kid, I had trouble agreeing with her.

Don't get me wrong. The fact that girls like him isn't surprising at all to me. He's got great charisma and he dresses well. He's smart and he plays guitar. But as far as looks go, I have my misgivings. Sure, he's tall and skinny and kind of effeminate, which seems to be the "hot" archetype these days. But to be quite honest, I've seen cuter.

Oftentimes, I forget that he's only a child, all extended vocabulary and feminine charm aside. In the plainest terms, he's just a young boy with a lot of endearing quirks, and normally it would stop there. But he's also little brother that I never had. He's my eighth grader, my kiddopie, my thirteen year old darling. He's a wonder child. As far as I'm concerned, Justin is Justin.

I did her a favor. "You want to know something, Gloria?"

"Yeah."

"By the time you're a senior, none of the guys in your grade will seem appealing anymore."

"What?!"

Her shocked reaction amused me. But the tragedy is that it's true.

In seventh and eighth grade, I had this massive crush on a guy in my class. I was an obsessed little freak; I had his schedule and ID number memorized and everything. But as a senior, I'll look back at him and think, "I liked you?"

It's not that they lost whatever physical qualities that made them attractive. In fact, I think a lot of guys in our grade became a lot better looking. Yet because I've known them all for so long, I can't imagine myself being attracted to any of them. Perhaps that's the trouble with Oxford being so small. When you run out of options, that's the end for you. But it's still embarrassing to think about.

Today’s conversation with Gloria made me feel slightly depressed. Because I know that when I go off to college and Justin enters ninth grade, he’s going to change. A lot.

A year of being doted on by a high school girl has already gone to his head, that much is apparent. But it’s going to be worse when he himself is in high school. With girls falling over themselves to ask him to Sadies and being one of the only freshmen in Algebra 2/Trig, it’s going to get messy. His ego will swell, and he’ll just be another victim of eighth-grade-to-ninth-grade transitional cruelty. High school has this horrible, unrelenting tendency of taking charming young boys and turning them into complete jerks. I’ve seen it happen. And it's never pretty.

I’m scared of losing the affectionate kid who once made puppy eyes at me when I wouldn’t buy him Toblerone. I don’t want him to change. I want him to stay thirteen forever.

"Certain things should stay the way they are. You ought to be able to stick them in one of those big glass cases and just leave them alone. I know that's impossible, but it's too bad anyway."

Holden Caulfield, you’ve never been more right.


Today in general was one big awkward silence.

I need something to fill it.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

A tad bit eccentric.

But endearing, nevertheless.

[19:53] Juhsteeen xD: hey does cyan match with
[19:53] Juhsteeen xD: maroon?
[19:53] sardothienn: yes....?
[19:53] Juhsteeen xD: hmm.
[19:54] Juhsteeen xD: lets say i wore cyan flannel sky blue/cyan shirt and maroon shoes and pants.
[19:54] Juhsteeen xD: would they go?

Do I even want to know why he has maroon pants?

...

Probably not.

Oh, Justin.

You glamorous child, you.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Quite possibly never.

Yesterday was insanely eventful. I finished all my Government and English homework so I could go out with Yunji. That was neat in itself. Normally I'm not done with homework until Monday morning, 8:59. Aha.

We went to Downtown Disney to walk around and scout out any attractive people. Which somewhat failed. So afterwards, we tried the Gardenwalk, where we saw Kan and Dominique in the parking structure, looking for spaces. Then we finally decided on Olive Garden, which was all the way in Cypress.

In Olive Garden, we saw Marissa De Los Reyes. Third person that we saw from Oxford. At this time, I mentioned to Yunji, "Just watch. Now all we need is one of my underclassmen and we'll be set." I hadn't been serious.

But fate has a sense of humor, sometimes.

We had decided to go watch a movie at my work, so off we went to Regal.

And lo and behold. Juliet, Victoria, and Alex. Three eighth graders plus two other girls whose names I don't know.

I was in a good deal of shock. Yunji told me to go blog about this. So here I am, blogging. Earlier, I was talking to Austin. He's an eighth grade boy who supports Twilight (and Edward). My poor, little mind still can't comprehend how this can be possible.

And now I'm off to lunch.

This entry was brought to you by "Dull and uninteresting rambling," plaguing writers since 1642.

Peace.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Because I go to Oxford.

You get the Sparknotes version of my first week at school.

1. New classes.
2. Jesse.
3. Getting out early.
4. Young boy.
5. Seniority.
6. Asian music?
7. Homework.
8. Job on the weekends.
9. Failed kidnapping attempt.
10. Guppy Tea House.
11. Awesome Friend Vaneda.

That ought to do it.

Peace.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Preteens, Walgreens, and skinny jeans.

Today I volunteered at eighth grade registration, which I think is the most genius idea I've had all summer. Some of the parents were a little freaked out that I knew so many of their kids' names (Daniel's mom looked positively appalled when I gave him a hug). But I think for the most part the students appreciated the upperclassman attention. Good karma, check.

I'm not entirely sure why I haven't volunteered before. It's a lot of fun! I was sharing a table with Edwin Ho, who is one of the nicest and funniest guys in our grade. Our station was the last place people stopped at before leaving, because we had to collect the checkoff list. We had this brilliant little script that constantly changed, and it included hand motions and everything. And when we weren't busy, we took pictures of ourselves and danced behind the table. You love us.

After registration, I found Justin and his crew hanging out near the English building. He started nagging me because he was bored, so I suggested that we go to Walgreens. Sam, of course, wanted to go, so off we went. The trip to Walgreens wasn't that exciting in itself, but I was still glad. We got drinks and headed back to school, where Sam and I argued over the circumference of Justin's ankles. He was wearing his skinny jeans again, which made me depressed. I want his metabolism. Cue teenage angst. Agh.

And now I'm home, left to nothing except masses of homework, college research, and my job in the evenings.

What to do, what to do? I wish I could fit those boys in my pocket.

Edit:
Apparently Justin left his wallet in my car.

...

Heh.

Monday, August 17, 2009

I have a job!

Doll money, here I come!

Yes, it's true! I'm now working for Regal Cinemas in Garden Grove.

"Not hiring" my ass. Ha! Take that economy crisis!

I'm very, very happy.

Also:

[13:43] sardothienn: my word.
[13:43] sardothienn: this means I have gas money!
[13:44] Juhsteeen xD: now you can drive me around in ur box more often :D
[13:44] sardothienn: I thought you hated my driving.
[13:44] sardothienn: and my box's name is Jesse.
[13:47] Juhsteeen xD: o o"
[13:48] sardothienn: I'm serious.
[13:49] sardothienn: you're not going to call him a box, are you?
[13:49] sardothienn: because he doesn't appreciate that.
[13:49] Juhsteeen xD: yes
[13:49] Juhsteeen xD: hes the box car
[13:49] Juhsteeen xD: at least you didnt get
[13:49] Juhsteeen xD: the seriously boxish Scion
[13:49] sardothienn: oh, you mean the hearse?
[13:49] Juhsteeen xD: yes
[13:49] Juhsteeen xD: jesse has curves (;


Peace!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Th boy in the canned food aisle at Albertson's.

Was a young, beautiful thing. All long legs in skinny jeans and and lovely, high cheekbones and a smile that could swallow the world.

Thirteen, I'm guessing. Sixth or seventh grade. Standing next to the shopping cart as if posing for Vogue. Leaning slightly against the shelves, hair in his eyes, hands shoved deep in his pockets. Grumbling as his mother scolds him for not helping her with the shopping. Eyes lighting up upon entering the candy and cookie section.

I can't help but think of the kiddopie that I've become so fond of. How he'll beg me for candy and sweets and attention. I'll look at the Albertson's boy whining to his mother for Oreos and think that it's all too familiar.

Because deep down, young boys are all the same.

They just want to be loved.

Monday, August 3, 2009

I hate.

That I can't say no to you.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Monday, June 15, 2009

Driving with children.

I drove to school by myself today!

And it was..... absolutely no different.

I really expected myself to freak out, except it felt exactly the same save for the absence of my dad. How anticlimatic.

After school, I drove Lan to Dairy Queen. I made her buy me an ice cream cone. Upon getting back to Oxford, a certain honey bunch demanded that I drive him and his friend to the liquor store. I invited Lan along again, and she and Justin argued over who gets front seat. I already knew that Lan wouldn't give up her throne, though. Shotgun is reserved for my right hand-woman. Also, Justin makes it very hard to drive safely. He kept telling me to go because there weren't any cars. The light was red.

While in the parking lot, Lan realized she had to walk back to school because her mom wanted to pick her up, so it was just me watching the two boys buying candy and soda (I had no money). Then Justin called shotgun. He got in my car and became fascinated with the pop-out cup holder. He kept imitating the sound it makes, doing this little hand motion to accompany it. It was the cutest damn thing I've seen today.

When we got back, I hung out with Justin's crew for a bit. And all the while he was ranting about how boring a driver I am. Well, excuse me, child. If you want to get yourself killed, you can go ahead and run a red light.

As retribution, I took his phone (right out of his back pocket, mind) and fiddled with it for a while. When I finally left, I accidentally on purpose forgot to give it back to him. Then when I was in my car, I used his phone to call his best friend Sam. I had him make it known that if Justin wanted his phone back, he needed to be at the parking lot in thirty seconds. He practically ran to my car, arms flailing and all.

I fucking love that kid. He makes me happy. His yearbook is sitting on my bed. I should get to that now. I wrote him a page.

Peace.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Campbell's Chicken Noodle.

Possibilities!

Soup does wonders when you're sick.

I'm feeling a lot better. Thanks, guys.

Chan Park signed my yearbook insert!

Peace.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Puffs Plus Lotion.

I had a full box of tissues when I went to school this morning. I ran out right before lunch started. Lovely.

Normally, I don't mind being sick. I anticipated it, actually. Choir week tends to lower everyone's immune sytem. But being sick during finals isn't that wonderful.

My friend Kimberly asked me after walking out of math class, "So, how did you do on the final?"

Hmm, let's see. Yesterday, I tried reviewing only to be racked with headaches that could probably tilt the Richter scale. I gave up and tried sleeping it off except that I woke up twice in the middle of the night to run to the bathroom and throw up in the sink. This morning I was in a rush because, in my illness-induced haze, I had slept through my alarm. And there I was sitting in math class, all drugged up with Dayquill, trying to remember how to convert polar coordinates into rectangular coordinates, all the while trying not to drop dead onto my desk.

How do you think I did, Kim?

Rant, rant, rant. Sorry.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Easy, breezy, beautiful, Covergirl.

Opening night for choir show! It was pretty good, especially since I had so many doubts during tech and dress rehearsals. I messed up a few times, but I deal. I only care about Saturday night's performance, because Reanimated people are coming to see me, as well as my parents, my grandparents, and my cousin.

Girls are required to wear red lipstick to shows, so normally a kiss on the cheek would leave this terrific, red kissprint. I have this Covergirl eight-hour whatnot that literally does not smear or come off unless you use heavy duty makeup remover. Not everyone knew that, though, so when I kissed some underclassmen on the cheek, they all freaked out. It was pretty entertaining.

Well, I'm off to do some serious face scrubbing right now. Got to get off all this stage makeup. Wish me luck for the next show!

Peace.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Show week.

It's the last show week of junior year. I'm really glad it's here. I mean, yes, it involves staying up late and doing homework at the last minute and dealing with Mr. Hogan's mood swings, but it sure beats being at home. It's also my last show with the seniors. I'm going to be so emotional when they leave.

The freshmen in choir and I have love-hate relationships. Matthew Vergel De Dios keeps slapping me. James Lee and I are in the middle of an on-going Untie-Each-Other's-Shoe game. I'm winning.

Next year will be so hard for me. I can't stand to leave all these kids behind.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Stay off the roads.

I have my license.

Lan, time to go shopping.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Weekend Update.

Friday

Most of the day was a blur. I couldn't get wait to get out of class. During lunch, Brenda, Juwon, Heasu, and I decided to walk to CVS. Before I left, Justin handed me a twenty and asked me to buy him five Tolberone bars. Jesus, that kid. How on earth he stays so thin, I will never know. I also bought Sam skittles because he looked positively dejected that he wasn't getting anything. I'm so nice.

Afterwards, Esther came over for the Computer Club meeting and I was in charge of the projection computer. The tutorial was based on text, so I kept typing various doll-related phrases like "Yael is judging you" or "Crobidoll owns all" and general things of the same sort. When the tutorial was over, Esther managed to log into deviantArt and we spazzed over Cloud's dolls. Heh.

Then we hung out with Deandro and Ryan Chavez while we discussed more dolls and Esther's mp3 player (which is really pretty, mind you). At around five, she went home and I went to Class of 2010 Movie Night. We watched 21! Aaron Yoo!! Eheh. I love him.

The movie was fine and dandy, but the games were probably the best part. I got this fantastic rug burn during a hectic round of 'Never Have I Ever.' It was great.

Saturday

I pretty much spent the whole day wrapping tape around shampoo bottles. We're leaving for the Philippines in June, so my mom decided that we needed to start packing now. Makes sense. I was taping things because apparently while in the plane, the change of air pressure causes any bottled liquids or gels to leak. Therefore, tape. Also, a seventh grader:

JuhsteeenxD: tape is verrrrry good

(My away message had said, "Tape. It's good for you.")

Later, we went out to eat at Mimi's cafe. I drove, because apparently that's my designated job now. Whatever. I'm getting used to it.

Then freaking Koi Pond kept me up until 12:30. I saw pictures of Cloud! We also discussed small Asian boys and resin matches. You guys are making me lose sleep. I love you all.

Sunday

Since this morning I've been lurking on Den of Angels, deviantArt, and various doll sites. It is, for the most part, a pretty uneventful day. Someone call me. Blah.


Peace.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Ghirardelli Chocolate.

Yesterday I bought these insanely delicious squares of Ghirardelli dark chocolate. They have raspberry filling inside and are literally heaven in your mouth.

I was talking to Justin's friend Sam, and I guess he's a sucker for sweet things because he asked me for a chocolate. I didn't want to give him one at first because they were $4.29 just for a bag. Then Sam started to say, "Come on, you won't give your favorite seven-- Wait. I mean your second favorite seventh grader a chocolate?" I find it funny that he automatically assumes his ranking. I try not to play favorites, though. They're all wonderful in their own way. Justin because he's witty and can keep up with my vocabulary. Daniel because he's sassy and just so utterly little. And Sam because he's the only sane one and quite honestly, far too pretty for his own good. It's not fair.

Eventually I did give him one and he liked it so much, he practically had a religious experience. Which is important. Because today when I gave Justin one, he thought it was too fruity. And Sam got all offended and started to yell at him. At least Justin likes Godiva. If he didn't, I just might have to disown him.

I'm testing for my license in three weeks! I am nervous and excited at the same time.

I am also Mr. Super Clear.

Peace.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Semi-Interesting Ramble.

AP US History Exam:

The MCQ was okay, but I wasn't expecting much for that; it was the writing portion I was really scared of. But we really lucked out because the topics for both FRQs and the DBQ were really easy to write about. I am so relieved. Next up: AP Biology on Monday. Happy, happy joy.

Mandatory Seventh Grade Section:

Daniel Lee is growing on me. What I like about Justin is that he's witty and can keep up with my sarcasm. And whereas he is tall and skinny, Daniel is short (although no less skinny). But for being tiny, he sure has a lot of sass. He's a fiesty little thing. I kissed him on the head today. He didn't like it very much.

And I can feel your judgement coming at me through the computer screen. You'd be giddy too if you knew how cute those boys are. Sometimes I just want to eat them right up.

Oh, and I've recently gotten into the habit of wiggling whenever I say hi. I consider it a great accomplishment if people wiggle back at me. So far, I've gotten eleven wiggles.

.... You're judging me again. I can sense it.


Peace, love, and small children.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Full speed ahead.

In less than twelve hours, I'll be taking my AP US History Exam.

How very typical of me to blog about it here instead of actually studying.

Which doesn't really help. The only thing I know is Thomas Paine and Common Sense.

Wish me luck.

Peace.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

He swallowed the thesaurus.

[21:44] Juhsteeen xD: are you insinuating that my competence is below par?

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Daily ramblings.

A few updates for you:

1. I made next year's Computer Club board! You're looking at one of your Student Advisors for 2009-2010!

2. During Friday's computer club meeting, Lan graciously decided to use this photo for her tutorial.

3. After Friday's meeting, Lan and I were hanging out with Philip. He was a bit delirious, which was probably because of the numerous cough drops I kept chucking at him. Poor kid. Said some really strange things, but I forget most of them. Also he was sleeping under my jacket. It was great.

4. I went to a Fairmont performance yesterday and got to meet up with Reanimated crew again! Rene bought me poptarts. Hehehe.

5. I managed to get my guy friend to sign up with Den of Angels. I converted him! This is a great accomplishment.

Peace, friends.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Renewed Obsession.

You might have noticed that my dolly craze kind of died for a bit, as well as my art submissions. I'm so sorry, but I have serious art block. And Justin does not have a chisel for me this time. Bah.

But! The dolly craze is back. Whoop dee doo. I'm going to get serious about saving, now. I printed out two little lists of dolls that I am saving up for and taped one to my dresser and put one in my wallet. I won't be making any purchases until I'm in college and in possession of a handy little piece of plastic, but it's good to start saving now.

I really suppose I have Esther to thank for this doll craze in the first place. I discovered what they were on my own, but didn't really pay much attention to them. Essie was the one to really get me into them by showing me several pictures. Thank you Esther! I owe you big time. I love dollies. Ehe.

Alright, off to do homework now. Peace.

Monday, April 20, 2009

This boy again.

[23:54] sardothienn: Alright, honey bunny.
[23:54] sardothienn: I have to go.
[23:54] sardothienn: I'll talk to you soon, yes?
[23:54] JuhsteeenxD: aww ok.
[23:54] JuhsteeenxD: adios.
[23:54] JuhsteeenxD: honey bunny -hops off-

I found it necessary to share that with you.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

A certain honey bunch.

sardothienn: Hi kiddopie.
JuhsteeenxD: hi mommy :D

Cutie.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The solution?

[21:08] sardothienn: I'm having writer's block.
[21:08] JuhsteeenxD: oh, let me get my chisel (:

If only, baby love. If only.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Long live the King.

"It's the grit that slips into an oyster's shell that makes the pearl. Not pearl-making seminars with other oysters."
- Stephen King.

Absolutely genius.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

My car—!

Jesse is a white Scion. He is wonderful and shiny and gorgeous.

I am pleased.

Yes.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

LeeBee.

I have a nickname, apparently?

Justin was complaining that since I call him Jaylee, he had to be able to call me something.

And his solution was LeeBee.

...!

That is so damn cute. I've gotten a lot of nicknames before, but LeeBee has to be one of the best.

Clever, clever boy.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

It's official.

[21:02] JuhsteeenxD: no ur a loving caring older student.
[21:02] JuhsteeenxD: ur my older sister!
[21:02] JuhsteeenxD: who can draw :O

...

Can I adopt him?

Friday, February 27, 2009

Good intentions, really.

Today I had every intention of going to Computer Club after school. I volunteered to work the projection computer during the tutorial and I even brought my tablet with me.

It didn't happen.

Justin used his magical seventh grade powers on me and somehow convinced me to buy him something at Dairy Queen. I, being the sucker that I am, let him drag me off with the rest of his friends (although it was actually me dragging him most of the way).

I met up with Esther at Dairy Queen, and she finally met Justin. And she admitted that he's a cutie pie, so there. We sat outside the store while we waited for him to finish his milkshake. It was nice. I haven't seen her a long time and it was good to catch up on things.

I ended up missing the entire meeting, and I felt slightly bad because I'm a trainee and I'm technically supposed to be there. But it turns out that the other trainees Jason Khoo and Linda Shih ditched the meeting too so afterwards I didn't worry about it as much.

All in all, it was good fun. But I am not buying that boy anything else if it involves walking. My feet are really sore.

I say that now, but by this time tomorrow I would have bought him something else.

Peace.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Friendship rekindled.

I recently started talking to my friend again. It's really nice, because we used to be pretty close in ninth grade, when we had Biology together and choir rehearsals to talk. Then last year even though we had both Health and Chemistry, I barely got to talk to him. This year we only have APUSH together and it was kind of the same thing all over again until we started talking on AIM.

He is so awkward. I love his English. He can speak it fairly well, but sometimes it's a little confusing. I still get what he's trying to say, though. It's cute.

I like when people tell me their problems, especially if they're my guy friends. It makes me feel helpful.

Also, I think I have a brother complex.

Shut up.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

If I had a shotgun.

I'd point the damn thing straight at the sky.

And shoot heaven down.

Just for you.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

And I say hey.

Hey! What a wonderful kind of day!

/end Arthur.exe

My day was very, very good.

1) In Biology we had a mini-competition of sorts where the first two winners would get pudding. Guess who got pudding.

2) I got my report card! I have a 3.67! And I raised my english grade. Hell yeah.

3) We got our senior year registration card today. I really like the new electives. Web design sounds really interesting. And science isn't required next year!

4) After school, my Loara friend Jessica Kim came to Oxford and we ran around in the rain so I could introduce her to everyone. Then I dragged her and Justin Lee to the band chocolate thing (you pay for a ticket and get to fill a plate with as much chocolate as it can hold). Justin kept taking my chocolate covered strawberries. What a loser. He didn't even pay. He just stole chocolate from me. So it was Justin, Jessica, Sam Park (Justin's "BFF"), myself, and other seventh graders standing in the rain eating our chocolate and getting drenched. Then Jessica had the smart idea to go take cover upstairs in the science building. So we ended up sitting in the hallways with plates stacked with chocolate goodies until we got kicked out half an hour later. Heh. Good times.

5) Jessica and I wandered around Cypress for a while getting completely lost (shut up, we both live in Anaheim) before going to Subway for sandwiches. Then we went back to school for the choir Valentine Dance.

6) The dance itself was a lot of fun. I was drawing on the paper tablecloths with Roseart markers and they actually turned out pretty decent, considering I didn't have a pencil to sketch with. Jessie took pictures and if she sends them to me I might scrap them here.

7) Sadies is coming up.

8) I decided I don't care anymore. Seth can go shoot himself. Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Monday, February 9, 2009

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Lucky Five.

I seriously wish I could win the lottery. Do you know what I could buy with that kind of money?!

Um, like everything.

Like a pink Macbook, for instance. It's so pretty and shiny.

Also, pretty dolls. I could get one for every day of the week. My parents would go insane.

The molds I want:
- Crobidoll Yeon-Ho.
- Crobidoll Lance.
- Luts Delf Miyu.
- Dream of Doll Teenager Sha.
- B&G Doll Sky.
- Migidoll Miho.
- Musedoll Re-che.

Heh.

I could also buy Adobe Premiere and Sound Forge. Oh my jeebus. Premiere is so amazing. My uncle has it on his computer and I was tinkering with it at his house. The compositing effects! Frame-by-frame timeline! It's too good to be true. If I had Premiere I might have more motivation to finish all my AMVs. And Sound Forge is really cool. I really want to learn how to mix music. Too bad it's only for Windows, though. Get with the program, Sony. Mac is the future!

This post simultaneously made me excited and depressed.

Whatever.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Camera phones.

Today I almost got a picture of Justin wearing my Marc Jacobs sunglasses. He was doing this fabulous little pose with his hands on his waist, but he moved at the last second and the picture was blurry. You can't even tell it's him. Just a dark blob.

Bah.

Friday, January 23, 2009

And anyone looks like everyone.

Looks like me, looks like you.

I see your actions in everything that I do.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Ahem.

So, today I went to visit my friend Jessica Kim.

And holy jeebus. Her little brother is so adorable. He's nine years old, half Koren, half Vietnamese. And you know what?

His name is Tristen.

...

Fate is wonderful.

And because I'm feeling generous, I'll let you guys have a look.

He is so adorable. He let me hug him and he asked me cute nine year old questions and wanted me to tie his shoes. Yee.

Elementary school students? Yeah. That's my thing.

Speaking of Tristen, Justin managed to remember that my phone's name is Tristen after I told him only once. I am so proud of him.

Shut up. I can feel you judging me.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Strange friends, indeed.

So yesterday, I had a few interesting encounters that concerned my guy friends. Or rather, I became concerned about them. Extremely concerned for their sanity.

I think it all started after school, when my friends Heasu, Lan, and I were walking along the Grindlay side of school, and all of a sudden I see two figures standing at the corner.

So I say something along the lines of, "I spy with my little eye.... Richard's white jacket!" And he turns around, and sure enough it was him with my other friend Bryan. Richard always wears white. Perhaps to make himself feel more pure. Which we all know is a hopeless cause.

Heasu turns to us and says, "Dude, Richard's hair makes him look like....."

"A chick?" I supplied.

"Yeah!"

It was true. Richard apparently had gotten a haircut over break. It wasn't bad. I rather like his hair, and it looks nice shorter. But he had done some strange thing to it that made it look all combed over to the side. Which doesn't really suit him. At all.

Lan, of course, being who she is, thought I had called Richard something else that rhymes with chick. Luckily, she had not voiced this very loud and he didn't hear it. But it's not Richard I'm worried about.

As we were giggling, Richard's ride comes and he leaves. So we're standing with Bryan next to us for about a minute, and all of a sudden Heasu blurts out, rather innocently, "You know, I actually don't know what a dxxx looks like."

In the split second before Lan and I erupted into hysterics, we managed to catch a glimpse of Bryan's face, which was of course priceless. But that's not even the best part.

Bryan stood there shaking his head in disbelief. "You know, here I am doing something on my phone, and all of a sudden I hear Heasu saying she has no idea what a dxxx looks like," he says. "I mean, I knew you guys were messed up but not like this."

Heasu shrugs. "Am I not allowed to say it? I really don't know what one looks like."

Bryan gives her an annoyed look. "Would you like me to strip down for you?"

This, of course, sets off Lan and I again.

After we had all calmed down (Heasu had been positively scarred by the mental image of Bryan stripping), I asked him what his phone's name was.

It was only natural for me. I name everything obssesively: My shoes, my computer, my flashdrive, my iPod, and of course my dear cell phone.

All of them are male, except my computer (who is named Emily, by the way). I don't see it as anything different than naming a car. Most girls, when they get their car, can decide whether or not it's a girl car or a boy car. Guys, however, don't exactly have this luxury. It has to be a girl car or it just sounds strange. So I applied this same logic to cell phones.

"It is a she, right?" I asked him.

"Why nooo," sneered Heasu, apparently recovered. "It's obviously a guy phone."

"That would explain why you're so in love with it," Lan teased.

I was rather impressed with him for taking all of our crap. But honestly, he really did like his phone a little too much. I've seen him literally fondle it before.

"So, what's his name?" Heasu asked.

"Um..."

"It's Philip!" Lan said quite suddenly.

Now Lan and I (and Esther when she used to go to Oxford) get this great kick out of shipping our guy friends together. To be honest, some of them are such close friends it's like they're husband and wife already. There are quite a lot of variations (i.e. RogerPhilip, BryanPhilip, BryanRichard, HansolPhilip, BryanRoger, JonathanHansol, RogerPhilipBryan, BryanPhilipHansol, etc.), but BryanPhilip is one of my personal favorites.

Naturally, you might imagine how dreadfully we had shocked Bryan with Lan's little slip. Normally we like to keep our sick fantasies to ourselves. Because in all seriousness, if they knew what we secretly thought of them, they'd probably never talk to us again. (Yes, we're terrible.)

Ah, poor, poor Bryan. Luckily he was a good sport about it and if he was frightened (or turned on, if you think that's more likely) he didn't show it.

So, that's about it with my friends. We know we're strange, but we're also pretty kickass. And despite how weird or crazy or geeky (Number two in the nation!) we are, I couldn't ask for better ones.

This has been a cheesy ending brought to you by lack of sleep. Time to go to school and spend more time with these whackos. You know who you are.

Peace.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Resolution time.

I promise to:

- raise my math grade.
- ace another English essay.
- become a better artist.
- commit Shakespeare to heart.
- be a better friend.
- not procrastinate as much.
- save up money.
- get a job.
- get my license.
- finish AMV that I've put off for like, three years now.

Happy New Year's, people.